It's always the Portions

So I lost a bunch of weight in 2011, and was maintenance all of 2012.  Now here it is the fall of 2013 and I am a good 5lbs heavier then I want to be. I know it is "only" 5 lbs. But if I let that 5lbs slide, then when the NEXT five pounds comes creeping up, the first 5lbs will feel normal, and the vicious cycle will continue. Before I know it I will be up 15-20 lbs and think, where did it come from? When I know good and well where it came from. It came from donuts and chips and just overeating in portion sizes.

Here's the way it works for me.  *reads back of package* Okay, I can have 3 of these.  *eats three* Then fast forward 3 months, well I have been eating 3 just fine for all this time with no bad effects. I am going to try 6!!!!!!!!!  *eats 6*  OH MAN WHY DO I FEEL SO AWFUL!!??  Then the next time do I learn my lesson? No. I eat 6, but I don't feel awful this time. Then all of a sudden 3 is out the window never to be thought of again and 6 is the new norm.  It's a VICIOUS cycle. 

So what do I have to do? I have to have some DADGUM DISCIPLINE. I have to just force it back and it sucks. Because now my body WANTS 6. Now my body is screaming that it is starving. Now my stomach is falling out of my body in this desperate little flop. Like, oh plllleeeease feed me. Don't you love me? And my Mind has this hot poker, and is like BACK! BACK YOU SLUG! You have had an appropriate amount of food in you. You don't NEED EXTRA SUGAR! And my stomach is all, but I wannttzzzzz it.  It's MY precious! 

Do you see what I am dealing with here?  So here is me, hot poker in hand, ready to battle. Let's go stomach.

Those are my clothes Mister!

My entire relationship with my husband he has been able to wear my clothes. He is tall and lanky, and I am short and curvy. He has never had to stare into our closet sadly. He has ALL of his clothes to choose from plus ALL of my t-shirts. Unfortunately for me there was a period of time where I was too big to where his shirts. I felt like that was just wrong. The men are supposed to be bigger than the women. But I justified it at the time. Told myself excuses to make myself feel better.

This morning my husband reached into the closet and grabbed my Orphan Run 5k shirt I participated in a couple weeks ago. My first thought was, um EXCUSE ME? you didn't earn that shirt mister! But I held my tongue and picked out some boring banker clothes. (he's a graphic designer and can wear whatever he wants. I think I need to change professions)

He starts to slip the shirt over his head and he got STUCK! like arms stuck straight up in the air, head not out of the head hole, he has officially put himself into a Runner Shirt Straight Jacket. He says, AAAHH HELP ME! and I had to grab the top and peel it off of him. He had this crazy look after and he says, "I forgot you are so small now."

My non scale victories seem to be coming fewer and farther between here lately, but that sure was an awesome one! He is going to have to start running his own races if he wants to wear a shirt!

Changing my Perspective

Do you ever have a problem recognizing yourself in the mirror?

I have that problem all the time. I am now a skinny person. I know this. I have been a skinny person for several months now. I fit into pants I have never been able to before. I can run farther, dance harder, and just push myself to some amazing limits. I know that I am now a size 3/4. But as I sit here, in front of my work computer, i still feel "not skinny."

Now stop your thinking right there. This is not some pity plea to get you to give me pats on the back about my hard work. I am just saying that sometimes I walk past a mirror and I get this jolt of electricity. I just have this shock. Is that me? Wow I look great! Where did the double chin and stomach go?

The thing that I find the craziest are the people who didn't know me BEFORE. For instance my children just started daycare in October. These daycare people didn't know me Then. They don't know the effort that I have put in. My children are both very tiny. They have no butts, and forget about a waist. It's impossible to find clothes to fit. So half the time my oldest daughter can be seen pulling her pants back up.

The other day I dropped her off and as she walked away I said, "Girl hike your pants up!" Her teacher commented on how skinny she was. My quick reply was, Oh she gets it from her father, he is so skinny. And she replied back, you both are tiny people. I stopped for a second. Both? No, not me. I am not tiny. And then I realized that yes, to her I am tiny. She doesn't know the effort and portion controls that I put into place. She just believes that I am this naturally tiny person. She may even be jealous and think that I probably eat Bon Bon's and giant bags of Cheetos and just naturally look that tiny.

Every where I go complete strangers see me as a skinny person. They probably see my toned arms and skinny runners legs and think I am naturally that way. I know I have thought that many times in the past.

Of course there's no way I would correct such thinking. I would just love to eat entire boxes of ice cream sandwiches and be tiny. But it did get me to thinking, how many other people are that way? How many skinny people walk by us, and we think, GAH WHAT A JERK FACE FOR BEING SO GORGEOUS. And really they busted their booties 6 days a week sweating it out at the gym. How many people have I judged by looks alone?

John 7:24 says, Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment.

This is what I am going to try to work on. I am going to try to live a healthy life, and not judge myself, my friends, my family, and complete strangers. I know this will be extremely hard to do. I judge people all the time. I judge heavy people as much as skinny people. Not everyone has the same life circumstances as me. But I am going to pray and work on it. Changing into a healthy lifestyle has to happen on the outside as well as the in.

The Dreaded Belly Fat

The whole point of me wanting to lose weight was to get rid of the belly. I wanted to take a step away from Mrs. Claus and a step towards some flat stomached gorgeousness. We will call my ab Goddess Natasha. There were many reasons I wanted to become Natasha. I wanted to make sure I prevented strain on my heart, I wanted to get rid of chub, I wanted to wear a bathing suit and not look like a Keebler elf.

In the past, I would always start crunching like crazy, then promptly give up with a cupcake in one hand, a Coke in the other, and a bag of Cheetos resting on my beach ball of a belly. This time I actually did some research and learned I could not magically target zones. Instead, I changed my lifestyle, and lost the weight.

I dropped all of my goal weight and STILL had the dang belly. What is up with that? I stood on a rooftop and shouted to the world with a shaking fist: WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO SMOOTH YOU OUT!!!!!!!!!! Am I destined to resemble a Honey Kissed Ham FOREVER?!?!?! Why does your body not let you TARGET ZOOONNNNEEESSS
(make zones echo to get the right affect)

Apparently the answer, because yes of course I do have the secret weight loss answer you have all been wanting. This answer.... are you sitting on the edge of your seats??? The answer.. is time. Ugh. I know right? That is the worst answer EVER. But that's it. Time. You just have to keep at it. Keep working out. Keep eating right. Keep on keeping on with your bad self. And eventually, whenever it good and well feels like it, it will just start melting away.

In the past two months I have only lost 2 pounds, which is fine since I am not attempting to lose weight anyway. But I have lost FOUR inches of belly. FOUR. My stomach still has some more to go. It still has stretch marks that I call my "beauty baby marks" in front of my girls. But it is SHRINKING DANGIT! And I haven't done a single thing to encourage it! EUREKA! And yes, I will answer to Natasha!