Lord, if you are willing

Today I am struck by my commonalities between myself and a leper in Luke 5:12-13.

12 While He (Jesus) was in one of the towns, there came a man full of leprosy; and when he saw Jesus, he fell on his face and implored Him saying, Lord, if You are willing, You are able to cure me and make me clean.
13 And Jesus reached out His hand and touched him, saying, I am willing; be cleansed! And immediately the leprosy left him.

This last January my church fasted for 3 weeks leading up to a giant healing service.  I was diligent in my prayers, expectant for miracles, and challenged by my very first ever fast.  My husband had debilitating migraines for his entire adult life. They would attack him once or twice a month, crippling him. He would vomit, and sweat, and have to leave work. We could never figure out what was triggering them, and we just dealt with the aftermath for years. He had them before I ever met him, and for 5 years together, we suffered. 

I was so focused on his healing. I was praying for it, and excited about his life free from the pain.  I also suffered from pain in my extremities that was diagnosable.  I had it for as long as I can remember. It was a part of me, and I literally believed it was un-healable.  On the morning of the healing service I was HOPPED UP with excitement. I knew that Brandon would receive his healing. 

One of my friends Sarah asked me what I would be healed for. My response, oh I don't want to ask too much of God.  We are going to focus on Brandon getting rid of his migraines, and we can do my problems next year.  Sarah responded so matter of factly, what makes you think He can't do both?

That shook me to the base of my core.  God can do all things to work together for MY good. Why would I believe he "wouldn't be willing" to heal both Brandon and Myself?  All I had to do was to receive what God had already given me.  By the stripes on Jesus I AM ALREADY healed.  We went to the altar at the appointed time, and for the first time in who knows how long, years of my life, the pain left my body.  It was shocking. I didn't even know how much pain I was dealing with daily until it was gone.

I have come up against not feeling good enough for God to notice me many times.  I know there are billions of people in this world, why would He be willing to take care of poor little me?  I have to remind myself that God's ways are not my ways. God's thoughts are not my thoughts. He loves me. He is willing to help and heal me. I just need to receive it.