Lord, if you are willing

Today I am struck by my commonalities between myself and a leper in Luke 5:12-13.

12 While He (Jesus) was in one of the towns, there came a man full of leprosy; and when he saw Jesus, he fell on his face and implored Him saying, Lord, if You are willing, You are able to cure me and make me clean.
13 And Jesus reached out His hand and touched him, saying, I am willing; be cleansed! And immediately the leprosy left him.

This last January my church fasted for 3 weeks leading up to a giant healing service.  I was diligent in my prayers, expectant for miracles, and challenged by my very first ever fast.  My husband had debilitating migraines for his entire adult life. They would attack him once or twice a month, crippling him. He would vomit, and sweat, and have to leave work. We could never figure out what was triggering them, and we just dealt with the aftermath for years. He had them before I ever met him, and for 5 years together, we suffered. 

I was so focused on his healing. I was praying for it, and excited about his life free from the pain.  I also suffered from pain in my extremities that was diagnosable.  I had it for as long as I can remember. It was a part of me, and I literally believed it was un-healable.  On the morning of the healing service I was HOPPED UP with excitement. I knew that Brandon would receive his healing. 

One of my friends Sarah asked me what I would be healed for. My response, oh I don't want to ask too much of God.  We are going to focus on Brandon getting rid of his migraines, and we can do my problems next year.  Sarah responded so matter of factly, what makes you think He can't do both?

That shook me to the base of my core.  God can do all things to work together for MY good. Why would I believe he "wouldn't be willing" to heal both Brandon and Myself?  All I had to do was to receive what God had already given me.  By the stripes on Jesus I AM ALREADY healed.  We went to the altar at the appointed time, and for the first time in who knows how long, years of my life, the pain left my body.  It was shocking. I didn't even know how much pain I was dealing with daily until it was gone.

I have come up against not feeling good enough for God to notice me many times.  I know there are billions of people in this world, why would He be willing to take care of poor little me?  I have to remind myself that God's ways are not my ways. God's thoughts are not my thoughts. He loves me. He is willing to help and heal me. I just need to receive it.

Deciding Against What's in front of you

Reading Luke 4:38-44 today has filled me with emotion.

Jesus, having spent the day preaching at the synagogue went to Peter’s house.  His mother was sick, and so Jesus knelt over Simon’s mother and healed her.  She was healed, and jumped up to serve them. I am sure she fed them dinner, maybe cleaned their road weary clothes.  At dusk, when Jesus would finally rest for the day, he was instead receiving ‘all those with any sick’.  These were people who had no modern medicine, no Lysol spray, and no antibiotics.  They came up to Him and he healed them all. 

It then says daybreak came.  Did he get a chance to rest?  Did sleep ever come?  Or did he spend the night healing every sick person in town.  He could have healed them all from his bed while he was sleeping, but he didn’t do that.  The bible says he knelt over Simon’s mother.  He gave her individual attention. He wouldn’t give the multitude that came in the night any less attention.

He is our Savior, but He was in a mortal body. A mortal body needs to be fed and rested. How tired He must have been! At daybreak He left alone to find a quiet moment with his father God.  How long did he get?  How long would you need after spending all day and all night with people to get your bearings again? To remember your true purpose on the earth? 

It ended too soon. The bible said the people were searching for Him, and tried to prevent Him from leaving them.  When I try to stop one of my children from leaving my side in a parking lot, I will grab for their hand; and if that isn’t attainable I will latch on to whatever is closest: their arm, the back of their shirt, a lock of their hair, whatever I can do to keep them close and safe.  Jesus was surrounded by people that didn’t want to let Him go. Did they grab at Him?  Did they plead at Him?  How heartbreaking would it be to know that yes, you could stay and keep this one town safe and healthy, at the expense of the entire world? 

He had a job to do. They did not understand.  Where there are men and women, there are children.  He knew He could stay there and keep them healthy, but he didn’t. Instead He said,” I must preach the Gospel of the Kingdom of God to the other cities, for I was sent for this purpose.”  He loved them all so much. He was a perfect vessel of love.  He knew He had to press forward to the ultimate goal of giving His life for us.  He knew there were other people who needed His help more, and so He continued onward. But it must have been hard. So very hard.