Open your eyes

Do me a favor. As you read this, close one eye. Better yet, take your hand and cover that eye up so you won’t forget and actually peek. Now before reading further, look around the room. What do you notice? Can you see anything in your peripheral vision? Do you have to turn your head farther to see any certain directions? Now, keep reading with your one working eye.

Let’s change gears and talk about that thing holding you back. Picture it in your mind. Is it finances? Is it health? Is it problems with your job? What if you get so used to a problem, you forget it’s even there? Let me give you an example. I work out several times a week. One day, I noticed that I couldn’t quite bend my ankle the same way. It seemed like I just couldn’t stretch it as far as the other ankle. I figured I may have injured it slightly, and I moved on with my workout. A day turned into a week, which turned into a month. Life got busy, I kept working out, and suddenly, that ankle not bending was just a normal part of me. I didn’t even think about it anymore. It was just my ankle. It didn’t hurt. It didn’t prevent me from going to the grocery store, raising my family, or completing workouts. I still had a successful career, cute kids, and fun friends. My ankle was just my ankle.

So time passed. In fact, a whole year passed. Then, I injured my shoulder. It hurt badly enough that I went to my first ever visit to a chiropractor. He evaluated my shoulder, my back, and then *CRACK* my ankles. The next day, I went into the same stretch that I always do, and my ankle stretched itself. I was in shock. Because really, I had forgotten that my ankles were different. Suddenly, I had a new freedom of movement that I didn’t even know that I was missing.

The reality is that without my shoulder injury, I could have spent the rest of my life with that stiff ankle. But once I had that taste of freedom? There was nothing sweeter. I felt like I could suddenly run faster, and lift heavier.

So, what’s holding you back? What are you just accepting because you are used to it? Do you always have a comma in your credit card balance instead of in your checking account? Do you just accept that as a fact of life? God promises you freedom. To me, freedom means a choice. I have a choice in my health. I have a choice in my finances. I have a choice in my emotions and my reactions.

So that means I can choose to be blind to what’s happening to me. Or I can choose to be self-aware and take a step towards my freedom.

In the book of James (1:23-24) he writes, “For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like.”

Have you forgotten what you look like? Have you accepted something that you shouldn’t have? Now, take your hand off of your eye and look around. Did it take a second for your eyesight to adjust? Did you forget that you had your eye closed? Or, was it awkward enough that you were aware of it the whole time? Do you suddenly feel the room is brighter, that you can see more than ever before?

Today, I want you to take your blinders off. Look at the world around you. Figure out what's holding you back. Choose freedom.

God's Will

What is God’s will? What does He want from us? We cannot see God. He created the universe. What does he want with us on an individual level? With such a big world out there, how do we even matter in the grand scheme of things? How can we please this great God? We can find the answer by looking at Jesus’ sacrifice and his last commandment.

Galatians 5:5 AMP states, “For we, [not relying on the Law but] through the [Holy] Spirit’s [help], by faith anticipate and wait for the blessing and good for which our righteousness and right standing with God [our conformity to His will in purpose, thought, and action causes us] to hope.”

Let’s break this verse down.

First, it states, ‘not relying on the Law,’ so, what’s the Law mean? Basically, in the Old Testament there was a covenant. A list of rules that were created for man to follow. Perhaps you remember the Ten Commandments? Stone tablets, doom and lightening, very scary. So, we had these Laws and we had to follow them. If we stepped out of line, God would smite us down, send locusts, all that business. So, ‘not relying on the law’ means our righteousness- right standing with God- is not defined by a set of rules.

Instead, it’s based on the Holy Spirit, which helpfully is the next part of the verse, “through the [Holy] Spirit’s [help]. Help implies we can’t do this on our own. We can’t take our salvation by force. We can’t follow a set of Laws to claim a seat in Heaven. We can’t sit in the church and say all the right words to get to Heaven. Instead, we need help from the Holy Spirit.

The next section shows us how to get help from the Holy Spirit. ‘By faith anticipate and wait for the blessing and good for which our righteousness and right standing with God [our conformity to His will in purpose, thought, and action causes us] to hope.

It takes faith to come in right standing with God. By waiting, conforming, and praying, we get home from our circumstance. So, what is God’s will? When Jesus came along, he abolished the old Law with his sacrifice. In John 13:34-35 Jesus stated God’s will for our lives.

‘I give you a new commandment: that you should love one another. Just as I have loved you, so you too should love one another. By this shall all [men] know that you are My disciples, if you love one another [if you keep showing love among yourselves.]

If we continue to the very next verse in Galatians 5:6 we see, ‘For [if we are] in Christ Jesus, neither circumcision nor uncircumcision counts for anything, but only faith activated and energized and expressed and working through love.’

Circumcision and uncircumcision can be described as rules. In the old covenant based on rules, one of the rules of being a follower of God was to have a circumcision done at 8 days old. In the new covenant, God’s will was to remove the rules that men operated under. Jesus purchased our freedom so we could live a life of freedom without rules. Instead, we base our lives by living through God’s will, to love one another.

So how do we show our love? We can find that defined as well.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. It does not rejoice in unjustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances and it endures everything [without weakening].

Love bares up anything and everything that comes. Not suffering, not anxiety, not gossip or depression. God’s will on our lives is to use love to bare up anything and everything that comes. I think I’ve got some work to do.

You don't have because you don't ask.

Studying the Word can give you an epiphany that forces you to stop reading, and start writing out your feelings. This is one of those times.

Last year I had a hard time of life and friendships.  I have always wanted the forever friend. The person who wouldn't walk away. Who would put up with me and all my flaws, who would love me no matter what, and who I would respect enough to listen, when they brought up something I needed direction in.  God gave me my husband, who is all of the above, but I wanted a female friend.

I thought I had one.  We had been friends for a decade. Sometimes we drifted apart, but we had been close for a long time. She knew entirely too much about me, way more than I was comfortable with. Anyway, through a series of silly encounters which included female drama, she dumped me for the cool kid crowd. Yes I know I am an adult, but popularity still matters, and I have never been popular.

When this happened I was TOTALLY devastated. Demoralized. Depressed. I felt like the worst person ever. I kept praying and praying over it.  Why is this happening to me? What do I need to change? How can I force her to be friends with me? How do I continue on with this broken relationship? I was envious of these other girls. I was angry and jealous. I was not in a happy place.  At the time I was studying the book of James.

James 4:1 Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members?

I realized that I was the cause of the strife. I was the one who put the barrier up. One day in a particularly powerful time of prayer between God and I, He spoke to me. I believe I asked God something to the effect of, "GOD! JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO! HOW CAN I CHANGE TO BE FRIENDS WITH HER!"  And for the first time in my life, God spoke to me. He said three words that changed everything, "At what cost?"  One simple question. It shook my life.  Yes I could be friends with this person and the cool kid crowd. But at what cost to myself?  What would I give up?  I was a light to the world, an example of Godliness.  What would I give up if I conformed myself to them instead of towards His image? 

Later I prayed that I needed a covenant relationship with a woman. I craved it and God pointed out to me that I had one all along. I was focusing my attention on the relationships from the world, instead of a relationship that would be forged in the kingdom.  Now my life is totally changed from a year ago. I have grown even further in the Word. I am even more active in my church, my marriage is better, and I have this blessed covenant relationship.

This brings us to today's study. Again in James, I read 4:1 and continued to 2.

Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members? ² You lust and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. Yet^[a] you do not have because you do not ask.

You do not have because you do not ask.  I never asked God for a covenant relationship. I wanted one, but I was trying to force this situation out myself. I wasn't letting God operate in the section of my life where friendships were concerned.  Once all of my praying and circling around and around the subject was over, I FINALLY thought, hey! what if I ask God about it? And He immediately, perfectly answered me.  He was probably thinking, it's about time she figured it out!

Faith and Prosperity

Last year my husband and I took a ministry training program at church.  In it we had a Prosperity class where the teacher very succinctly pointed out why we should tithe, why we should save, and why we should give offerings.  He explained what the Word said on blessings and finances. On how God wanted us to live in over-abundance.  He then said if you cannot live by the 10/10/80 rule, (tithe 10%, save 10%, live off the 80%), we needed to either make more money, or cut expenses. 

We decided together that we wanted to live off of the rule. I did a budget, and there was just no way.  We could not create more income unless there was a job change, something neither of us wanted to do. So we set about for the year cutting expenses.  We changed cell phone plans, we changed internet plans, we canceled small payments. We were more conservative on our energy consumption which brought our utility bills down. We canceled and cut off many things. 

We greatly reduced our budget and we forgot about the whole 10/10/80. We just spent more.  We ate out, we  bought things, we lived in excess.  Another year rolls by and we decided to repeat the program. Committing a year gave us so many unexpected gifts, a stronger marriage, a united family, and several of our unsaved family members joining the church. Who wouldn't want to have another amazing year? Plus with all of our new knowledge, we could learn things we missed the first time.

So month 3, we are in Prosperity again.  The teacher brings up 10/10/80 and it was like a slap in the head.  We KNEW we had to tithe, we just forgot to. We knew that Malachi 3:10 says: Bring all the tithes into the storehouse, That there may be food in My house, And try Me now in this, "Says the Lord of hosts, "If I will not open for you the windows of heaven And pour out for you such blessing
That there will not be room enough to receive it.

God said to Try Him and boy did we want to.  So we wrote the budget out, and was I ever shocked to see that the numbers matched up.  There was enough to tithe 10%, save 10%, and live off of the 80%.

Now let me back up here for a second.  When we cut our bills down, we started to spend more.  Well suddenly 6 months into living that way, we were constantly out of money. There was nothing left. I would put all the information down, subtract it all out, and there wasn't enough. The numbers did not make sense.  Literally, I am a banker, I have taken numerous Calculus classes. I tutor everyone in any math subject even if I haven't taken the class, just let me read the chapter and I can teach it to you.  I do algebra and geometry in my sleep- literally.  There is NO reason why I shouldn't be able to handle a budget. Somehow it had gotten completely away from me.  I would log into our online banking and we would be negative.  It was horrible.  I believe the thief had taken our goodwill toward tithing, got us to focus instead on ourselves, and was reeking havoc in our finances.

So fast forward to Prosperity class.  That week we had like $2 and we were going to have to put our gas on a credit card. I sat down with the bible out, wrote down our deposits, wrote out a tithe, and a savings deposit, and subtracted all of our other bills and it worked. The numbers lined up.  This was a direct gift from God.  I was testing Him. Here God, take these broken finances and try to find a tithe in there, and He gave it to me.

My  husband and I joyfully turned in our first tithe check. We had been Daniel Fasting for 21 days and in a couple weeks we were greatly looking forward to going to a buffet and indulging.  I pulled up our budget, typed in all the info. We had enough to live on, but we just simply didn't have the extra $50 to take our family to an expensive buffet.  We could go buy groceries, and have a feast at home, but the $50 wasn't there.  We had several options. We could have taken it from the Tithe- that was not an option.  We could have taken it from our savings account- also not an option if we didn't want to set a precedent.  We decided to just eat at home.  My husband was disappointed. I really wasn't.  He is the steak eater of the two of us. 

So that Sunday rolls around, and we gladly gave up our chance at the buffet after service and turned in our Tithe check.  We had not spoken of our commitment to anyone in the family.  This was our personal matter.  At the end of service I looked down at my cell phone. My mother texted me and said she wanted to take us out to eat, she would pay. (this never happens unless it's my birthday)  We gladly went.  At lunch she handed me over a $500 check. She told me that she got a surprise inheritance, and wanted to give me a portion of it.

I tested God and he proved it.  Again, Malachi 3:10 says: Bring all the tithes into the storehouse, That there may be food in My house, And try Me now in this, "Says the Lord of hosts, “If I will not open for you the windows of heaven And pour out for you such blessing That there will not be room enough to receive it.

Thank you for your blessings God. Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.

2013 Race List

A record of this years races for my future reference.

1. Polar Bear Plunge for the second time on 1/1
2. Go Short Go Long Go Really Long 25k on 1/26 3:05
3. Poker Run 2/16/13 5 miles (2nd time)
4. Snake Run 3/17/13 6 hour race 21.6 miles, 7th overall in women
5. Color Run (2nd year)
6. Mock Marathon (2nd time) total destruction. ended up having to call husband to pick me up on the side of the road at mile 14
7. OKC Memorial Marathon beat my time by 12 minutes!
8. Warrior Dash (2nd time)
9. Moonlight 5k (2nd time)- first 5k post marathon, OUCH
10. Beware the Beast- completed, didn't lose a flag!
11. Port to Fort Adventure Race- 5mi run, 100y swim, 5mi canoe- favorite race so far this year, even if my canoe sunk and I had to get rescued.
12. Diva Dash- registered the girls for their first ever race- they were so cute
13. Tulsa Run 15k (2nd time) Wogged this race with my Bestie who is not a runner
14. Tough Mudder- Quote from an Official at TM, "This is the muddiest course in the entire TM history." It was AWFUL, but completed.
15. Donut Run - with the Hub, eat 6 donuts, then run a 5k in 30 mins -  did not complete in required time.- no surprise there
16. Mustache Dash- 2nd race with the girls

Also, a friend of mine jots down a few memories from each race on the back of her bibs. Since I already save mine I think that is a fabulous idea and will start doing this now.  It allows me to be able to remember if I liked a race or not for the next year.  For instance Beware the Beast- I didn't really like the race, but I am having a hard time remembering why.

It's always the Portions

So I lost a bunch of weight in 2011, and was maintenance all of 2012.  Now here it is the fall of 2013 and I am a good 5lbs heavier then I want to be. I know it is "only" 5 lbs. But if I let that 5lbs slide, then when the NEXT five pounds comes creeping up, the first 5lbs will feel normal, and the vicious cycle will continue. Before I know it I will be up 15-20 lbs and think, where did it come from? When I know good and well where it came from. It came from donuts and chips and just overeating in portion sizes.

Here's the way it works for me.  *reads back of package* Okay, I can have 3 of these.  *eats three* Then fast forward 3 months, well I have been eating 3 just fine for all this time with no bad effects. I am going to try 6!!!!!!!!!  *eats 6*  OH MAN WHY DO I FEEL SO AWFUL!!??  Then the next time do I learn my lesson? No. I eat 6, but I don't feel awful this time. Then all of a sudden 3 is out the window never to be thought of again and 6 is the new norm.  It's a VICIOUS cycle. 

So what do I have to do? I have to have some DADGUM DISCIPLINE. I have to just force it back and it sucks. Because now my body WANTS 6. Now my body is screaming that it is starving. Now my stomach is falling out of my body in this desperate little flop. Like, oh plllleeeease feed me. Don't you love me? And my Mind has this hot poker, and is like BACK! BACK YOU SLUG! You have had an appropriate amount of food in you. You don't NEED EXTRA SUGAR! And my stomach is all, but I wannttzzzzz it.  It's MY precious! 

Do you see what I am dealing with here?  So here is me, hot poker in hand, ready to battle. Let's go stomach.

Lord, if you are willing

Today I am struck by my commonalities between myself and a leper in Luke 5:12-13.

12 While He (Jesus) was in one of the towns, there came a man full of leprosy; and when he saw Jesus, he fell on his face and implored Him saying, Lord, if You are willing, You are able to cure me and make me clean.
13 And Jesus reached out His hand and touched him, saying, I am willing; be cleansed! And immediately the leprosy left him.

This last January my church fasted for 3 weeks leading up to a giant healing service.  I was diligent in my prayers, expectant for miracles, and challenged by my very first ever fast.  My husband had debilitating migraines for his entire adult life. They would attack him once or twice a month, crippling him. He would vomit, and sweat, and have to leave work. We could never figure out what was triggering them, and we just dealt with the aftermath for years. He had them before I ever met him, and for 5 years together, we suffered. 

I was so focused on his healing. I was praying for it, and excited about his life free from the pain.  I also suffered from pain in my extremities that was diagnosable.  I had it for as long as I can remember. It was a part of me, and I literally believed it was un-healable.  On the morning of the healing service I was HOPPED UP with excitement. I knew that Brandon would receive his healing. 

One of my friends Sarah asked me what I would be healed for. My response, oh I don't want to ask too much of God.  We are going to focus on Brandon getting rid of his migraines, and we can do my problems next year.  Sarah responded so matter of factly, what makes you think He can't do both?

That shook me to the base of my core.  God can do all things to work together for MY good. Why would I believe he "wouldn't be willing" to heal both Brandon and Myself?  All I had to do was to receive what God had already given me.  By the stripes on Jesus I AM ALREADY healed.  We went to the altar at the appointed time, and for the first time in who knows how long, years of my life, the pain left my body.  It was shocking. I didn't even know how much pain I was dealing with daily until it was gone.

I have come up against not feeling good enough for God to notice me many times.  I know there are billions of people in this world, why would He be willing to take care of poor little me?  I have to remind myself that God's ways are not my ways. God's thoughts are not my thoughts. He loves me. He is willing to help and heal me. I just need to receive it.